Egg Face, Red Face.

At the time of writing I have an incredibly red face. I spent the weekend in the park as London has been the hottest place in the world for the last 3 days. I like to get a tan but I am a blondie so I go red before I go brown. I like getting burnt as it makes me feel woozy, weary and relaxed like I am on holiday it also makes my skin feel tight like I’m a muscular man. I am not an incredibly muscular man however I am not an incredibly unmuscular man (is that even a word?). I am a fairly normal level for a man; slightly soft of body. I still work full time and do lots of comedy gigs so not much time for the gym. If I am totally honest if you gave me free membership and an extra day of the week I would probably still give it a miss.

When I was at the park this weekend changing race I saw a couple having an argument on a bench outside the park, they were in the middle of ending their relationship. I guessed this after the lady shouted "Why don't you find someone else to go out with". Pretty clear indication that it was a break up. It was all very entertaining and I enjoyed it even more as I was eating a marvellous scotch egg at the time. It was from a delicatessen and so delicious that I have decided to stop all supermarket scotch egg purchases from 25th May 2010. I love a scotch egg but I can’t stand when you bite into a cheap scotch egg and the egg air pocket pops and the smelly egg gas escapes, it upsets my nose. (I have a rather pointy nose like a lady fox) I once ordered a pint of beer (I won’t name the brand) in a pub and the beer smelt and tasted of egg, it was one of the most upsetting things that has ever happened to me. My friend and I named the drink 'Eggy Fosters'.

Anyway the couple had their argument and the woman stormed off, the man had a cigarette and looked upset, he tried to phone her and after 10mins gave up and left. However the lady retuned to the bench to find that the man had also left so she got even more annoyed. Then the man came back and they walked off together looking angry and awkward as if they had bought a group railcard and had to travel together.

The best part of the story is that my friend who saw this event unfold with me got on the same train as the couple later on in the day. She saw the man crying into the ladies lap telling her how she can't leave him as he left his job for her. The woman coldly said she had to go and do a food shop and ignored his pleas totally unfazed by the situation. I know this is a very upsetting incident for 50% of the people involved but it made my afternoon more interesting. However it just made me think why would someone be so desperate to be with someone that didn’t want them?

Maybe I am young and naive and never loved someone enough to understand his pain but surely no matter how much you love someone surely its wasted if you are not loved back? Also if you are not that into someone why bother stringing them along? Or do people just stay with each other until they find a better person/scotch egg? Basically my point is be careful even if you have a scotch egg from a delicatessen which is really tasty, and you like it lots and lots just make sure you are also someone’s scotch egg from a delicatessen and not their supermarket scotch egg. I know what you’re thinking what the fricking hell is a mini scotch egg with scrambled egg mayo inside? It’s basically a savoury snack prostitute for someone scared of committing to a full scotch egg. I did warn you there might be nonsense, it makes sense in my brain.

In other news I made my first ever condiment – it’s for chicken wings but can be used on most other meats. Its kind of a jerk sauce with a hint of tomato and lots of spice but keeping a tasty flavour. Its in the fridge, help yourself next time you’re round.