There he is:
Monday, 7 June 2010
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Adam
I have a new housemate, his name is Adam and he lives above me. He sings very loud in the morning and when he needs to go to the toilet he does a poo on the floor outside the front door of the house. Adam is a sparrow and lives in the guttering above my bedroom window. At the weekend I am planning on hanging out of my window with a coat hanger and will attempt to remove the nest. However I have two concerns:
1. If Adam has baby chicks in there and I disturb the nest leading to their deaths I will feel very guilty and slightly concerned that I could possibly be arrested by the RSPCA
2. I like Adam
For some reason I have taken quite a shine to Adam he looks like a bit of a laugh and I love how cheeky he is to break my guttering, wake me up at 6am and then shit all over the floor whilst not even contributing to the rent or buying his share of Robinsons no added sugar orange squash. The problem is that I have given him a name and built up a little bit of an emotional attachment.
I think I am going to try and tame him and keep him in my pocket like Florence Nightingale did with her owl and Brooks did with his pet bird in Shawshank Redemption.
I will let you know how I get on.
In other news I found out that I have got through to the semi final of the Amused Laugh Off 2010 which is very exciting. Its in Soho on Saturday 26th June if you wanna come and watch.
1. If Adam has baby chicks in there and I disturb the nest leading to their deaths I will feel very guilty and slightly concerned that I could possibly be arrested by the RSPCA
2. I like Adam
For some reason I have taken quite a shine to Adam he looks like a bit of a laugh and I love how cheeky he is to break my guttering, wake me up at 6am and then shit all over the floor whilst not even contributing to the rent or buying his share of Robinsons no added sugar orange squash. The problem is that I have given him a name and built up a little bit of an emotional attachment.
I think I am going to try and tame him and keep him in my pocket like Florence Nightingale did with her owl and Brooks did with his pet bird in Shawshank Redemption.
I will let you know how I get on.
In other news I found out that I have got through to the semi final of the Amused Laugh Off 2010 which is very exciting. Its in Soho on Saturday 26th June if you wanna come and watch.
Commitment
So my one blog entry a day commitment failed at the first hurdle. However I will be doing two entries today to make up for it.
This is the first one:
Quote of the week.
My friend who shall remain nameless was labelled by a girl he smooched once as the worst kiss of her life. I informed him of this piece of information and he defended his kissing skills with the below statement:
“Well we was 16 she had massive boobs and I panicked”
I am sure anyone who has been a 16 year old boy in their life can understand.
This is the first one:
Quote of the week.
My friend who shall remain nameless was labelled by a girl he smooched once as the worst kiss of her life. I informed him of this piece of information and he defended his kissing skills with the below statement:
“Well we was 16 she had massive boobs and I panicked”
I am sure anyone who has been a 16 year old boy in their life can understand.
Monday, 24 May 2010
Egg Face, Red Face.
At the time of writing I have an incredibly red face. I spent the weekend in the park as London has been the hottest place in the world for the last 3 days. I like to get a tan but I am a blondie so I go red before I go brown. I like getting burnt as it makes me feel woozy, weary and relaxed like I am on holiday it also makes my skin feel tight like I’m a muscular man. I am not an incredibly muscular man however I am not an incredibly unmuscular man (is that even a word?). I am a fairly normal level for a man; slightly soft of body. I still work full time and do lots of comedy gigs so not much time for the gym. If I am totally honest if you gave me free membership and an extra day of the week I would probably still give it a miss.
When I was at the park this weekend changing race I saw a couple having an argument on a bench outside the park, they were in the middle of ending their relationship. I guessed this after the lady shouted "Why don't you find someone else to go out with". Pretty clear indication that it was a break up. It was all very entertaining and I enjoyed it even more as I was eating a marvellous scotch egg at the time. It was from a delicatessen and so delicious that I have decided to stop all supermarket scotch egg purchases from 25th May 2010. I love a scotch egg but I can’t stand when you bite into a cheap scotch egg and the egg air pocket pops and the smelly egg gas escapes, it upsets my nose. (I have a rather pointy nose like a lady fox) I once ordered a pint of beer (I won’t name the brand) in a pub and the beer smelt and tasted of egg, it was one of the most upsetting things that has ever happened to me. My friend and I named the drink 'Eggy Fosters'.
Anyway the couple had their argument and the woman stormed off, the man had a cigarette and looked upset, he tried to phone her and after 10mins gave up and left. However the lady retuned to the bench to find that the man had also left so she got even more annoyed. Then the man came back and they walked off together looking angry and awkward as if they had bought a group railcard and had to travel together.
The best part of the story is that my friend who saw this event unfold with me got on the same train as the couple later on in the day. She saw the man crying into the ladies lap telling her how she can't leave him as he left his job for her. The woman coldly said she had to go and do a food shop and ignored his pleas totally unfazed by the situation. I know this is a very upsetting incident for 50% of the people involved but it made my afternoon more interesting. However it just made me think why would someone be so desperate to be with someone that didn’t want them?
Maybe I am young and naive and never loved someone enough to understand his pain but surely no matter how much you love someone surely its wasted if you are not loved back? Also if you are not that into someone why bother stringing them along? Or do people just stay with each other until they find a better person/scotch egg? Basically my point is be careful even if you have a scotch egg from a delicatessen which is really tasty, and you like it lots and lots just make sure you are also someone’s scotch egg from a delicatessen and not their supermarket scotch egg. I know what you’re thinking what the fricking hell is a mini scotch egg with scrambled egg mayo inside? It’s basically a savoury snack prostitute for someone scared of committing to a full scotch egg. I did warn you there might be nonsense, it makes sense in my brain.
In other news I made my first ever condiment – it’s for chicken wings but can be used on most other meats. Its kind of a jerk sauce with a hint of tomato and lots of spice but keeping a tasty flavour. Its in the fridge, help yourself next time you’re round.
When I was at the park this weekend changing race I saw a couple having an argument on a bench outside the park, they were in the middle of ending their relationship. I guessed this after the lady shouted "Why don't you find someone else to go out with". Pretty clear indication that it was a break up. It was all very entertaining and I enjoyed it even more as I was eating a marvellous scotch egg at the time. It was from a delicatessen and so delicious that I have decided to stop all supermarket scotch egg purchases from 25th May 2010. I love a scotch egg but I can’t stand when you bite into a cheap scotch egg and the egg air pocket pops and the smelly egg gas escapes, it upsets my nose. (I have a rather pointy nose like a lady fox) I once ordered a pint of beer (I won’t name the brand) in a pub and the beer smelt and tasted of egg, it was one of the most upsetting things that has ever happened to me. My friend and I named the drink 'Eggy Fosters'.
Anyway the couple had their argument and the woman stormed off, the man had a cigarette and looked upset, he tried to phone her and after 10mins gave up and left. However the lady retuned to the bench to find that the man had also left so she got even more annoyed. Then the man came back and they walked off together looking angry and awkward as if they had bought a group railcard and had to travel together.
The best part of the story is that my friend who saw this event unfold with me got on the same train as the couple later on in the day. She saw the man crying into the ladies lap telling her how she can't leave him as he left his job for her. The woman coldly said she had to go and do a food shop and ignored his pleas totally unfazed by the situation. I know this is a very upsetting incident for 50% of the people involved but it made my afternoon more interesting. However it just made me think why would someone be so desperate to be with someone that didn’t want them?
Maybe I am young and naive and never loved someone enough to understand his pain but surely no matter how much you love someone surely its wasted if you are not loved back? Also if you are not that into someone why bother stringing them along? Or do people just stay with each other until they find a better person/scotch egg? Basically my point is be careful even if you have a scotch egg from a delicatessen which is really tasty, and you like it lots and lots just make sure you are also someone’s scotch egg from a delicatessen and not their supermarket scotch egg. I know what you’re thinking what the fricking hell is a mini scotch egg with scrambled egg mayo inside? It’s basically a savoury snack prostitute for someone scared of committing to a full scotch egg. I did warn you there might be nonsense, it makes sense in my brain.
In other news I made my first ever condiment – it’s for chicken wings but can be used on most other meats. Its kind of a jerk sauce with a hint of tomato and lots of spice but keeping a tasty flavour. Its in the fridge, help yourself next time you’re round.
Let's play Blogboozle!
Hello welcome to my blog come in, take your shoes off and make yourself at home.
I will be putting my thoughts into words on here which could be deadly or very exciting. I have never been a master of the written word, I am better at speaking but I thought I would give it a bash to try and improve so bear with me.
Oh yeah FYI/BTW/EOP/COp/REM/MOP/DB7 - Don’t take anything I say in this blog too seriously I talk an awful lot of nonsense my first proper entry will confirm this statement.
If you like the blog that is lovely, keep reading and tell all your friends.
If you don’t like the blog I would appreciate if you would never mention the blog ever again and pretend you never read it in the first place like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ta very much
Robert
I will be putting my thoughts into words on here which could be deadly or very exciting. I have never been a master of the written word, I am better at speaking but I thought I would give it a bash to try and improve so bear with me.
Oh yeah FYI/BTW/EOP/COp/REM/MOP/DB7 - Don’t take anything I say in this blog too seriously I talk an awful lot of nonsense my first proper entry will confirm this statement.
If you like the blog that is lovely, keep reading and tell all your friends.
If you don’t like the blog I would appreciate if you would never mention the blog ever again and pretend you never read it in the first place like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ta very much
Robert
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